Tuesday, July 18, 2006
dorothy smsed me quite late at night two days ago, asking if i was still awake.
and just before that i was thinking about something.. so i got quite scared thinking if my worst nightmares were about to come true.
and what a relief i got at the band table the next morning, when she asked about something that had nothing to do with what i was worrying about.
i'm suddenly finding myself with so many things to be accountable for. and i'm pretty much in awe when i remember that this list of things to do only started piling up a week ago.
but through the many projects that i'm part of, i've started to see how responsibility works. how initiative makes the lives of other people working around us so much easier.
especially the leaders. who have just as much homework to do and as many (if not more) cca hours to fill.
i cant truthfully admit that i don't feel swamped, despite the fact that i take pride in everything under my wings. i used to tell people who asked me how i 'did it' that 'if you want to make a difference, if you love what you do, you wont tire out and end up confused.'
wrong lor. i should have added the words 'so easily' behind. well now i know, and i do pray this revamped line of wisdom (ok, HAHA.) will help me get through what i have to. in the best possible way i can.
when i last tried to reaffirm my purpose in the band, i got stupefied. the question suddenly posed as i was setting up for main band and all i could think was, 'ehh yah.. what was it huh.' and i ended up staring into the section cupboard, numb and dazed. haha. like some real life matrix movie la, frozen in space.
i'm past being part of such a family, or finding what makes sajc band different from all the others. so what?
hmm. suddenly realised that what lilian talked to me about is quite relevant to my concerns.
talk about miracles.
better get down to finishing the things on my list so i face the world with a clearer perspective soon.
God loves me. this i know. (:
i'm not going to do this anymore.
7:54 PM
reach for
the stars(:
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